Testimonies

A family background snapshot.

Brendan’s father and I started married life together in our teen years. Before we were 22 years of age we had two sons. Five years on we were blessed with our third son, Brendan. We relocated to Perth where he commenced school. He settled into primary school, without any dramas he was a quiet, reserved child (unlike his brothers). As a little fella he tried out at different sports; Minky, Tee Ball, Football and Karate. He stuck with Tee Ball and went on to play Baseball into his teen years.

Brendan commenced secondary education at CBC in Freo. Once again his quiet demeanor saw him fit in well at school; he mostly obeyed the school rules and did enough in class for him to achieve average grades. Brendan had a passion for sketching and art.

The family unit had broken down, marriage was on the rocks and his brothers were out of control. Home life was full of aggression, excessive drinking & violence which was a very different picture to what was perceived on the outside. Brendan was mid secondary schooling at this stage. I believe very affected by the male role models in his life.

Brendan was at near the end of year 11 when he went to do work experience at a Panel & Paint shop. It was about here where he started digging his heels in he refused to go back to school instead he worked labouring in odd jobs until he commenced an apprenticeship in Auto Body Refinishing he went on to be awarded Apprentice of the Year in 1997. During this period Brendan was involved in a serious motorbike accident however he did go on to complete his apprenticeship at a later date.

He bought his first home at a young age, he was pretty organised worked at various panel & paint shops he was always chasing the dollars. At this point I thought he was doing pretty well. I don’t know why but it didn’t even occur to me that he was involved in selling and using drugs. Then he started to be in this dark place stopped going to work was unreliable. It wasn’t long after that I realised he was up to no good, at first I thought it was marijuana, but he told me he was using amphetamine, he felt sad & mixed up he said since the accident he was struggling . I went off on my tangent of trying to fix him. Running him around to be treated for depression and anxiety.

I was naive and gullible when it come to all my sons, demons lived in our house which I kept ignoring and making excuses for. I have and still do feel guilty about our family life and feel that it has affected all three of my sons.

Brendan was in a stormy relationship for a number of years with the mother of his son. Their son was born in 2007, not long after the relationship broke down. Brendan was in a dark place and was being treated and medicated for depression thought to be a result from the accident. He continued to use drugs and it was soon evident he was not taking care of himself or paying any bills, his debts were a nightmare .. so I took over and managed the debts and put his house up for rent, from which I was able to clear his debts.

He came back home to live, took on being a father seriously in fact he was an awesome dad changing nappies, prepping formula, putting him to sleep, he adored his son. Josh was his whole reason for living and he loved him more than words he was gentle, kind and patient. But when he didn’t have Josh he was off living his other life. Lying in bed all day, prowling all night with no consideration or thought for anyone or anything. He played hard and took life for granted. His house was sold. Brendan squandered all the proceeds. This became a difficult time with him and I. I managed the money however he became aggressive and threatening if I didn’t withdraw and give him the large amounts he wanted. I didn’t like the scumbags that were hanging around my home and we had some serious arguments. I was dropping him off to the train station one night after an argument, we were both shouting in the car when I pulled up at the station he got out and slammed the door in that second I snapped and I am ashamed to say if it wasn’t for the bollard I think I would have run him over.

Eventually he moved out to live with people of his own kind.

Now he wasn’t just smoking meth, he progressed to injecting at first he couldn’t do it on his own because of his fear of needles but he had plenty of ‘friends’ that were quite willing to help him out, he overcame his fear of needles and meth became his best friend and his family. He lived in squalor and filth with his meth, money and a bunch of hanger ons. I was truly ashamed of whom my son had become but I continued to support him to pay his bills to run him around and sit with him through appointments. I was his lackey, sure it was his choice and he called the shots but my love and support was what enabled him to get this far. I couldn’t let him go I didn’t want to lose him; I was angry with my other sons my family (my greatest gift) had disintegrated): This became the darkest period, he shirked all responsibility, and he didn’t pay his bills and continued to rack up speeding fines. He was referred to a psychiatrist who felt that Brendan could be bipolar or had ADHD for most of his life and was treating him with anti psych med. I was grabbing at any explanation other than drugs. Late 2015 he contracted a serious blood infection and was hospitalised. He discharged himself/did a runner which was his style. I found out later that he actually was using drugs and also selling them from hospital.!

He then had some sort of accident on a quad bike and sustained some injuries once again he was in hospital. He escaped the hospital with the canular still his arm. The police were notified as he was in danger of contracting infection. I found him at his rental place pretty busted up with the canular still in his arm. The next time he was in hospital and out to it, I took his jeans and shoes that way I knew he wouldn’t do a runner and I had peace for at least a little while.

He was evicted bouievfa Mandurah with a girl who was also heavily into dealing and using. He was spiralling out of control. Two co-dependents living together equalled an ugly, violent and disastrous relationship. I didn’t want Josh being around either of them. I feared for his safety. He was a hopeless drug addict at this stage; she was a cunning and manipulative drug addict. A match made in hell.
He was admitted to hospital in March 2016 whilst in a psychotic episode. As his next of kin I was called into the hospital and was told about his extensive drug use and these psychotic episodes would continue. He was hearing voices constantly he was frightened he was either running and disappearing or laying around home crying. He had me convinced my house was surrounded by people that were going to shoot him. After a particularly frightening night I told Brendan he was on his own I had had enough but more hospital admissions and we were back on the merry go round. I was a sucker for his begging and pleading.

Monday April 4 2016 I left for work very concerned, he was sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. I had some bizarre messages from him during the day then nothing. In my heart I knew something was seriously wrong. When I got home I found him unconscious sprawled out on the dining room floor soaked in urine and vomit he wasn’t fighting for life he had given up, he had taken a whole box around sixty quetiappine, a handful of diazepam and there was a needle laying on the floor. I turned him to his side rang 000 and waited outside I couldn’t look at him or stay with him. I prayed please God don’t let my son die; please help him I kept asking over & over. The police and ambulance arrived he was admitted to intensive care where he remained for a nearly a week before transferring to a secure pysch ward as an involuntary patient.

After about 5-6 weeks he was discharged and was straight back on the meth. The psychosis & the voices were back. I wasn’t living life I was barely existing I was so frightened of where this was going to end. It was a merry go round of psych appointment after pysch appointment, hospital admissions, psychotic episodes, depression, anxiety, and shouting or broken and crying. He started looking into rehabs and talking about change. I had counselling from a Mental Health social worker and a team of psychiatrist. I was told to let go, to stop him from coming home. I was enabling and accepting of everything he did. I agreed to deny him access to my home. They asked me to have a meeting and tell him he was no longer welcome at my home I agreed and we went ahead with security on alert. He went berserk and once again he was placed in a locked ward as an involuntary patient. They wanted me to apply for a restraining order, I just couldn’t do it but I agreed to call the police if he turned up uninvited.

I had looked at plenty of rehabs both local & rural WA,I knew about Shalom from the internet but I didn’t even bother him with it, he ran away from another easier rehab, he had detoxed twice he had escaped psych wards he would never hack Shalom. One Saturday night I was sitting at home feeling sorry for myself, so I prayed to my God, please can you help my son get better, let him know you are waiting for him, if he is not worthy of your love could you please let him go to find peace in heaven. The next day Brendan rang me to talk about Shalom, he said he needed to be there he was crying. He sent me a text telling me that Shalom was the only place that he felt good about. I owas over the whole scene and never got my hopes up.

Apparently he rang Peter a few times usually he would just give up but he was adamant about getting there. He eventually spoke to Peter and was told to come to an appointment at 10am the next day and to ask me to come with him. It was a pretty tense drive out to the office it was worse in the meeting. I felt so humiliated I knew I was the enabler but Pete made it very clear in no uncertain terms. The meeting ended with Peter accepting him into the program on the spot. So it was cold turkey for Brendan, no cigarettes, no methamphetamine and no prescription medication. He managed about 8 days and as usual if it was too hard he did a runner I picked him up in Welshpool he was whingeing to me about all that he didn’t like about Shalom, I told him to shut up, I drove to a park bought us a coffee and then was going to give him some pamphlets for homeless shelters. I was not ever going to take him back home. He asked me if I wanted him to go back to Shalom I told him I didn’t care what he did; he asked to use my phone so he could ring Pete. I thank God he was accepted back in. He buckled down and started to open his heart, reading the bible helped him to accept and be grateful for the chance of a new beginning. There have been trials and tribulations along the way but each week saw him breaking down barriers and becoming stronger in his mind and body.

September 2017 Brendan and his son went on the Fathers Day camp a really special bonding time for them both. Josh is 10 years going on 30, his love and acceptance of his dad is fantastic especially now when he tells me how proud he is of Brendan and believes in him ‘for real’. That is thanks a lot to his mum; she is caring, kind and loving. She has always been there for Brendan as a friend and as Josh’s dad.

October 2017 Brendan was granted leave for a weekend to go on a Family Scout camp with his son. This was a hard one he hadn’t really mixed with people in the outside world especially a Scouting community. Brendan was fraught with nerves beforehand but he came away thinking I can talk to people I don’t feel inferior. I had a great time with my son.

Brendan, Josh and I had the pleasure of a week’s holiday together in Walpole back in January this year. I can now truly appreciate the changed person he has become. Each day was a new adventure exploring the Walpole Region and beyond. We did so many amazing life inspiring activities before Shalom, Brendan was truly a lost soul. I thought he would die and in my head I was always planning for that day I would say goodbye to him forever. My son in 2018 has progressed beyond my wildest dreams.

His ethics are second to none; he is patient, gentle and kind but strong in mind, body and spirit. He feels blessed to have been forgiven and gives thanks to our Lord every day. He plans and prepares for the days ahead. I love his caring and considerate ways, his beautiful manners and respect he gives to others. He is mindful and compassionate towards other those are struggling to rebuild their lives. I am very proud of Brendan; each stage has seen him grow in strength and character. I feel very blessed and give thanks to our Lord.

I will be forever grateful to Pete, Brad who not only counselled Brendan but took time to help me accept and open my heart again, to all those at Shalom House for supporting us along the way.